Conversation Tips, Part 2: The Do’s and Don’ts
I can’t even begin to stress how important these “Conversation Tips: Do’s & Don’ts” are. This is something you might want to write down and carry around with you in your pocket.
You’ve come this far with finding her, getting her attention, and approaching her. Don’t run her off by letting all the wrong things escape from your yap!
(Note: View “Dating Conversation Tips, Part 1” here)
These are the Top 4 Do’s and Don’ts. Expect more to be added at anytime, so check back often.
Ready? Here they are:
1) Let’s say that you are having a very good conversation with a female you have just met. She may even be a keeper. Want to keep her? Then follow the following:
DO NOT GET INTO THE CONVERSATION OF EX’S! DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND(S), AND DO NOT LET HER RAMBLE ON ABOUT HER EX BOYFRIEND(S)!!
Imagine YOU sitting across from her as she goes on and on about her ex; about how much of an “unsympathetic jerk” he was, how he cheated on her with her best friend, how much she loved him and still thinks about him, etc., etc.
It’s enough to make you want to say to her: “I AM still sitting here, you know?” Because it sure as hell seems that her attention is NOW somewhere else (like on her ex, and all the “good times” they shared).
IF THIS EVER BEGINS TO HAPPEN, DON’T LET IT CONTINUE.
This situation will normally come up during either a phone conversation or a first date with her. The WORST POSSIBLE thing you can say during this little “episode” is “Really? What happened?”
This gives her the “green light” to give you her whole back story about how she’s been “hurt” by too many guys, and all the other fun stuff that comes with relationships that have ended badly. She may even begin to cry right in front of you. How embarrassing would that be? Talk about ruining a first date!
(Ninja Tactic: If a woman EVER beings to cry in front of you, ALWAYS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION! Put your arm(s) around her, whisper to her “there, there, everything is going to be fine…that’s what I’M here for…” This will earn you MUCHO points with her (being there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. Soak it up!)
But again, DIVERT THE CONVERSATION BEFORE IT EVEN GETS THIS FAR!
This is the only time I DO recommend using corny or slick lines to change the course of the conversation. You could say something like:
HER: “He was such a jerk! I can’t believe I fell in love with him.”
YOU: (Jokingly) “Well, now you’ve got a NEW headache to deal with, ME! And if you should elect me as your new president, I promise, free hugs and kisses for the entire length of my term in office!”
YOU: (Jokingly) “Eh, you’re better off with out him. Besides, you deserve a guy like me. And you’re lucky I’m not charging you for my services! I mean, I usually don’t roll out of bed for less than five grand…”
Do you see what is happening here? For one, you are trying to get her to laugh. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, you are trying to divert her attention back to YOU! Who is she supposed to be talking to in the first place?
This is the same reason that you don’t want to get into talking about your ex (unless you are purposely trying to drive her away). Expect her to feel the same way (unacknowledged, unappreciated) as well.
2) You get a phone number from a female (or two) while at one of the places recommended for meeting women. Everything worked out perfectly, and the conversational interchange between the two of you was perfect! So perfect that you can’t wait to speak to her again, and are now wondering when you should call her.
Well, here is your answer: WAIT AT LEAST A DAY AND A HALF TO TWO DAYS BEFORE CALLING HER!
You may have seen this tip being said by Vince Vaughn in the movie “Swingers,” but TRUST ME when I tell you that it comes from real-life experience.
You don’t have to take my word for it. Just ask a woman!
She will tell you that when a guy calls “too early,” it is a strong signal of desperation and loneliness (you never want it to seem like she is the only woman you are “able” to talk to, like you don’t have any other options (read “women”) to choose from.)
What you thought was “perfect conversation” may have only been “good conversation” to her, with the “possibility” of exploring further.
Give her a few days to let the conversation “marinate” in her head for a while. This builds up “anticipation” for the next time the two of you will talk. There is also the possibility that she will call you first during the two-day waiting period.
It is always a good thing if she happens to makes the first move! This tells you that she couldn’t stop thinking about you, and the deck now becomes stacked in your favor!
But not everyone gets so lucky (women know about the “two-day rule,” and know how to play this game as well…). So, if she doesn’t explicitly tell you to “call me tonight,” or “tomorrow,” then wait.
Just play it “cool.” A text message to let her know you are glad to have met her and will “talk to her again very soon” is perfectly fine at anytime between the two-day waiting period.
(A note about texting during the two-day period: Send her the text message without the intention of receiving on back from her. This will keep you from being disappointed if she doesn’t happen to send one back right away. Also, if she DOES text you back and try to engage you in a game of “text tennis,” such as
Her text messages
- “Hey, how’s it going?”
- “What are you up to?”
- “I’m still recovering from partying last night…”
They play a few rounds with her for a bit, BUT THEN bring the game to an end with this:
YOUR text message: “Hey, when are you available to talk by phone?
This serves two purposes:
- 1) It will tell you whether or not she is actually interested in talking with you in the first place. She may just be looking for someone to “pass the time” with by text messaging you with no intentions of talking with you over the phone.
- 2) If she tells you “call me whenever” or gives you a specific day or time to call, then you now have the official okay to call her on the day or time she asks.
But if she says “I’ll call you,” then wait until she does. If she hasn’t called after the two days are up, THEN YOU CALL HER! She may have just forgot about it, but you are basically checking to see if she IS serious about talking, or just wasting your time…)
After the day-in-a-half to two-days, CALL HER! DON’T WAIT FOR HER TO CALL YOU! TAKE THE INITIATIVE AND MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. YOU ARE THE HUNTER! This is a delicate game of “cat and mouse,” but DO NOT let your pride get the best of you and take the game to far.
If she hasn’t called you yet, then after the two days are up, CALL HER!
(Ninja Skillz: This may save your hide!
If you call her after the two days, and she says:
Her: “I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me or was no longer interested…”
then YOU say
You: “I’ve been thinking about you since the first time we met. I just could get around to calling you because of (work? school? family?). But I guess you were thinking about me too then, right? How come you didn’t try to call me?
TRUST THE SYSTEM)
3) DON’T GET INTO TALKING TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF
This just goes without saying. Don’t end up portraying yourself as a “Bragging Billy.” Why would you want to seem more interested in yourself than her?”
Don’t get into talking about how much money you’ve got, how many women you’ve slept with in your life (just plain stupid), how often you go clubbing or partying (she doesn’t need to know this information), etc, etc.
FOCUS THE ATTENTION ON HER
Ask her lots of questions, but don’t get too personal with her. There will be somethings that she might not be comfortable with sharing.
KEEP IT SIMPLY SIMPLE
You: “So, where have you been for vacation(s) before?”
Her: “I’ve been to Hawaii once.”
You: “Really? I lived there for a couple of years. Loved the place. Wouldn’t mind going back sometime. What did you think about it?
This doesn’t count as “bragging” because you are only stating the fact that you used to live there and loved it. YOU THEN included her in the conversation by asking her how did she like it.
(Ninja Skillz: You’re a guy, and GUYS LIKE TO BRAG ON THEIR TOYS AND SUCCESS, ESPECIALLY TO FEMALES! Here is a perfect conversation tip that shows you how to be subtle with your bragging:
Her: “How was your day?”
You: “It was okay. I had to take my Porsche in to the shop for some modifications so I can pass my state inspection. Nothing too major.”
Her: “You drive a PORSCHE?”
You: “Only on the weekends and special occasions usually. Most of the time I’m driving the Maserati…”
And there you go ;P
P.S. Don’t brag on stuff you don’t have or never had in the first place. You may very well run into someone who will call you on the carpet and find out you’re lying.
DON’T LIE! It just makes you look like a dork with no life (can you say “Napoleon Dynamite?”)
4) “ADJUST” FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO
An educated woman is not going to tolerate your profane language or “potty mouth,” and a “profane” woman will not care much for “proper talk.”
A religious woman won’t care to hear about your porn DVD collection, and a chick that’s into “Manson” probably doesn’t care that you know all the lyrics for “Hanson.”
If you are well educated, don’t “talk down” to a woman who may not be as educated as you. It only makes you look like a pompous, arrogant jerk. And trying to talk in her slang (cool, hip, country, etc.) will only make you appear condescending.
If your vocabulary is not as large as the woman you are dealing with, then certainly don’t try to keep up with her by blurting out words you don’t know the meaning to. The first time you use a word out of context, she only think you “stupid” for trying to appear “smart.”
CONCLUSION: Sometimes “be yourself”, but sometimes “don’t be yourself.”
If this sounds/seems contradictory, then it only means you’ve got it!
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